First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
