I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
