I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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