i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
