Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
