the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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