it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
