i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
