She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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