quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm like, not good at living.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
