My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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