I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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