K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
