it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
