The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
