He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
