not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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