if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
