my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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