I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
