my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
