is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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