I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
