I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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