He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
