I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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