North Korea, Best Korea!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
