News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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