so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
