the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
