Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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