Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
