Pants 0. Shit 1.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
