I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
