I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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