WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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