I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
