party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
