No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
