I hope mine doesn't look like that
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
