I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize