I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
