I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you traded sex for a burrito?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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