I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
