He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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