i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
