Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
