when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
