yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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