Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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