Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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