This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize