Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
