My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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