ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
