how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
