You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
