Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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