wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
