so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
