I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
