you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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