my phone needs a breathalizer
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize