So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize