New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
