What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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