i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
