He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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