ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
