You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize