Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
