peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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