exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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